For female leaders, the fear of missing out (FOMO) often disguises itself as ambition. The constant yeses, the nonstop travel, the jammed calendars, the feeling that if you’re not everywhere, you’re falling behind.

But as Melissa Gonzalez, principal at MG2 and author of “The Purpose Pivot: How Dynamic Leaders Put Vulnerability and Intuition into Action,” shared at Women in Retail Leadership Circle’s On the Road event in New York City last fall, that chase comes with a price: overcommitment without fulfillment, output without impact, busyness without presence.

After a personal health crisis forced her to stop and listen to what her body — and her intuition — had been trying to tell her for months, Gonzalez began reframing success around a new North Star: purpose. Her message is a wake-up call for high-achieving leaders everywhere: the antidote to FOMO isn’t doing more, it’s embracing JOMO, the joy of missing out, and learning to make space for what actually fuels you.

“[FOMO] trains us to believe that we can value output over impact,” Gonzalez told the audience. “We chase all these things and we’re busy and we’re overextended, we’re overcommitted, but we also don’t feel fulfilled because we stop being present with the things that we’re doing. We’re always looking over our shoulder, we’re always looking across the room.”

Instead of chasing FOMO, Gonzalez suggests putting purpose as your North Star when it comes to decision-making and embracing JOMO as the alternative to FOMO.

“It’s a shift in mindset,” said Gonzalez. “It requires contentment and some stillness, and it requires us to understand that maybe we need to redefine how we think of fulfillment.”

Gonzalez advised trying the following steps to break up with FOMO, hopefully for good:

1. Explore your habits of busyness.

Think about your last week or month and ask yourself, “How often did I say yes to something out of obligation rather than alignment to my goals?” It’s a question to reflect on both as it relates to work as well as your social life.

Gonzalez then suggests asking, “What impact did the answer ‘yes’ have on my time, my energy, and my focus?”

2. Identify the comparison cycle.

FOMO fuels comparison, Gonzalez says. It creates this idea that we have to be everywhere all the time, that we’re always wondering what we missed, who we didn’t speak to, what event we didn’t attend.

Ask yourself, “When was the last time I found myself comparing my progress or success — or even what’s on my calendar — to somebody else?” Are you comparing your social calendar or your friendships? Your lifestyle compared to somebody else’s?

Step two in identifying the comparison cycle: Ask yourself, “How did that comparison shape my choices or my stress levels in that moment?”

3. Redefine productivity.

Ask yourself, “What belief do I hold about productivity?”

Here’s one example: “The busier I am, the more valuable I am.”

4. Identify what needs to be removed.

One more question to ask yourself as you’re breaking up with FOMO: “If I could remove one recurring thing — one meeting, one commitment — out of my life tomorrow with zero consequences, what would it be? And what space might that open up for me?”

Gonzalez led the On the Road attendees through a series of exercises that help identify what energizes and depletes us, as well as what we can delegate to others. Women in Retail Leadership Circle members can view Gonzalez’s full keynote here and session recordings from all previous On the Road events here. Not a member? Apply today!