Despite the advice to check your emotions at the door, it’s not possible to do a great job without engaging your emotions — and everyone else’s! I want to explore the positive power behind emotional effectiveness.

Emotions are part of our survival kit and are hardwired; when threatened, you’ll react to the threat and either fight, flee or freeze. The emotional part of the brain is intimate with this survival instinct. And the brain stores all experiences based on the emotional tags it receives. Emotions provide information and inform our actions — if we’re aware of what the emotion is. In fact, research shows that when you can name your emotions, you’re more likely to tame them.

Therefore, emotions aren’t the problem; it’s the lack of awareness around emotions that’s problematic. Knowing what you’re feeling and why, and the impact this has on your behavior, is the basis of emotional intelligence (EI). Science shows that 90 percent of successful leadership comes from EI skills.

The adage to “check your emotions at the door” and other myths like “it’s not personal, it’s business” or “don’t show your emotions, it’s a sign of weakness” all play into the stereotype that emotions are bad and should be avoided at all costs. What happens when leaders show up without emotion? They fail to engage. What happens when your customers don’t engage their emotions? They don’t buy products or become raving fans of your brand.

Emotions are what drive movements and inspire change. Emotions fuel your personal brand as a leader … or not. And it’s not possible to tamp down some emotions without flattening all of them. OK, so how do you handle your emotions at work?

Let me clarify something: not all emotions are created equal. There are raw emotions triggered by the stress reaction that are reactive. These emotions when unleashed will have a destructive influence on the outcome. EI is the ability to manage your emotions in order to influence an outcome. The first thing you want to do to ensure the right emotions show up is to become aware of your stress triggers and reactions.

Do people push your buttons? (There are always those special people who know right where they are.) Are you easily triggered when distracted? (Most people are.) The solution is to cover your buttons and learn to focus. Covering your buttons means you’re prepared to deflect sarcasm, envy, negativity or criticism; you don’t take it personally. Humor is a good antidote, as is ignoring comments that will take you off your agenda.

Your ability to focus is perhaps your most important asset. Learning to manage your emotional reactions will yield amazing dividends for you and your projects. The draining emotions like frustration, annoyance and irritability can add up in the course of your day, interfering with your ability to influence and persuade. Instead, you come across as negative and powerless.

The solution?

Leadership is a growth opportunity. Decide to learn more about you. Remember why you wanted to succeed in your role. Most of my clients wanted to make a difference in their organizations. Make this your daily focus and decide to leave every interaction better off than before you showed up. Bring your best to every interaction and see the best in everyone else. Share your passion and positive stories that inspire others to think bigger.

Here’s a super tip that will help you show up better every day (and you can do this in five minutes or less). At the end of the day, write out the answers to these three questions: What worked today? What didn’t? What’s next?

Keep a notebook of your answers, and over time you have a record of successful interventions that you can continue to refine. Spend 10 minutes at the end of the week, month and year and reflect on your responses, noting any themes or patterns. Adjust your responses. This is EI in action. This is what great leaders do.

Emotions are the fuel to your presence. Be deliberate with how you show up and what emotions you express. Think about this: There’s little we have direct control over, except our reactions. It pays to get very good at managing this part of you. Make the difference you want to make and leave every interaction better than before you showed up.

Cynthia Howard, RN, CNC, PhD, is an executive coach, performance expert and the author of “The Resilient Leader, Mindset Makeover: Uncover the Elephant in the Room.” She researched stress and its consequences in performance during her PhD. In the past 20-plus years, she has coached thousands of professionals, leaders and executives toward emotional agility and engaged leadership.