For a couple dozen years now I’ve spent the majority of my professional life helping leaders strategize and create their brands’ unique playbooks — blueprints for internal and external storytelling. It’s work that I love to do as I tap into each company’s group genius and help orchestrate a more unified, simplified, and amplified brand position that sets each company apart from its competitors. These strategic playbooks provide the framework needed to guide and inspire brilliant collaboration among merchants, marketers and creatives. Such bespoke playbooks are practical, actionable and inspirational guardrails for the inner lives of brands. Some clients even call them their “bibles.”

Recently, I got to thinking about our inner lives as leaders and whether we needed a different kind of personal playbook for these times. The Wall Street Journal referred to the “resilience fatigue” our entire society is feeling from the toll of the pandemic, with patterns of exhaustion, burnout, languishment, distraction, weariness, melancholy and dejection everywhere. I’ve experienced all of these, and no doubt, at any given time, you too may be feeling these things, or be leading team members who are.

I think what we all need right now is a KINDNESS PLAYBOOK.

Kindness seems a bit out of fashion these days — especially in the business world. We have best-sellers teaching us how to be badasses and how to be ruthless and just not give a damn. But what if we flipped that? What if we encouraged giving a damn and worked on being more kindhearted? When I think of my personal and professional life, both pre- and post-pandemic, it’s kindness that sustains me and feeds my soul.

These days, I’ve found it helpful to dwell on kindness, to inventory these acts of kindness:

  • The kindness of an extended deadline before asking. The kindness of not assuming the worst first.
  • The kindness of a surprise in the mailbox. Of a fully present, non-multitasking, listening colleague. Of a reset. Of a second chance.
  • The kindness of a no. The kindness of a yes. Of a pause, a pep talk, a gentle reminder. The kindness of a referral. The kindness of an unasked-for favor.
  • The kindness of a boundary. Of not rushing. Letting another go ahead of you. Margin.
  • The kindness of a confidence boost. Of laughter. Of hearing “I do, too.” The kindness of grace.
  • The kindness of a shared “cuppa” (even if it’s virtual).

Your list will be different. Write out your specifics. Take note of what touched you deeply. Share if you wish. Pay it forward if you desire.

Kindness Circles

My chaplain friend leads “circles of compassion” with people who are in all stages of grief. A safe place to be among other grievers, to express sorrow, to lament losses together. Inspired by her work, I wondered about starting “circles of kindness” in our workplaces, in our neighborhoods, among our families and friends. Nothing too formal. Just a place to encourage this realnesss, to be a sanctuary for one another, to be seen and heard and noticed. To be human and authentic and honest and empathetic. To simply practice being kind more often.

“Soft skills” are touted these days as the new must-have skills for the workplace, but there’s nothing new or soft about these skills. They are, however, rare. They take awareness, commitment, patience, true emotional intelligence.

One of my biggest learning lessons from this pandemic is how infrequently I’m not kind to myself. While I find it easy (and gratifying!) to be kind to others, I discovered I’m often not on my own kindness list. So I constructed this little acrostic reminder for myself:

Know and call on your kindred spirits if and when necessary.
Immerse yourself in silence and solitude to “let your life speak,” as the writer Parker Palmer encourages.
Notice what you need right now.
Delight in treating yourself as your best friend would.

Kindness takes intentionality. Beginning a kindness practice for your leadership soul is just the start, of course. This leads me back to your brand’s playbook. Perhaps it’s a good time to take another look at your brand’s DNA and see how and if kindness is an integral part of it. Just how empathetic and compassionate are you with team members and customers? Take a kindness inventory of your corporate practices and customer policies and see where you can add/delete/revise/recalibrate actions to be more generous and big-hearted. Be that company!

Leo Tolstoy writes, “Nothing can make our life or the lives of other people more beautiful than perpetual kindness.” So, fellow kind-hearted leaders, let’s all play at incorporating more kindness into our workdays and workplaces. It’s one step toward making this tough world a bit more tender.